Hi lovelies,
I am currently very overwhelmed. Yes, Again!
So, I am currently being very productive from past few days. But, that’s not enough for me.
In my previous blog I spoke about tying my self worth to the amount of work done. And the freeze response – Well the situation is kind of similar right now. SO, the past couple of weeks, I hadn’t got much done, I was working on my self care, mental health, etc. But with the rising energies of March I was drawn to getting my shit back together (work wise). So, from past three days, I am kind of at it!
I have got more done in past 3 days than previous 3 weeks and yet I feel so unaccomplished. Why?
It is because, I fell into the trap of “To Do List”.
In many of my previous blogs I had mentioned that I do not like and use To DO Lists. However, I like being organized, I love organizing my days, weeks, months, etc. But, I also know that gets overwhelming. SO I just list out tasks that I do need to get done. (once they are on paper and I know I won’t forget them, I kind of feel less burdened, like I can actually relax and figure out a way to do them.)
So, I randomly listed out things that needed to be done two days back (because I was crying from being so overwhelmed – because of piled up work)
That did make me calm, but I got into my micromanaging mode. And allotted stuff for each day. Now, each day I ticked all boxes except one. And that carried forward to the next Day.
Today, however I couldn’t forgive myself, because I completed all tasks of my TO DO list, except one that needed most attention.
I had reasons but I couldn’t forgive, because again I felt that I won’t have time to finish it.
For context : As a final year law student, I have to submit a 80 to 90 pages dissertation in coming 2 months. All of my peers have reached 10th or 20th page of it. Each one is allotted a professor as a guide. And I am so grateful I got the most lenient and nicest of all professors. However, I still haven’t even decided my topic (due to various reasons, which I really do not want to get into). And from past 3 days, I was trying to do that.
1st day : I still worked on it, however I didn’t select that topic I worked on.
Yesterday : I couldn’t, it got carried forward to today and it’s the only thing on my list – the time is 10 pm and I don’t work post 8, especially on such dreadful projects.
The Problem is that I finished all others tasks, even additional ones related to this blog, my tuition classes, home and personal development projects. A bit of college work too. But, found no time for dissertation – as was busy procrastinating and keeping it for the last.
Due to this reason, I wasn’t able to relax at all. I was trying to work on it, but only freaking out more and not getting anything done.
So, I decided to stop and call it a day.
To stop acting like a machine, based on outcomes to define my day.
- I knew to do lists don’t work for me, and yet I am here. Going to modify it to goals (not tasks to tick) per week or month. To take pressure off.
- Would stop forcing myself to get stuff done – for example forcing myself for getting dissertation done, will only make me procrastinate more.
- A day is not defined with how much work I did, but what I feel and experienced. So, instead on focusing on one task that I couldn’t complete, let’s focus on that getting more done today than past 3 weeks, and actually feeling good about myself and experiencing today – the small moments – songs, tuition, Shared laughs with people.
- I was blaming my self care rituals which hardly take half an hour – but, they are important, they keep the balance between work and myself.
- Will stop being so hard on myself and actually relax and enjoy this time to wind down and energize for tomorrow.
Point being, do not fall into the trap of WORK WORK WORK.
And if you cannot meet a deadline (genuine reasons guys), even then its okay.
Remember Nature does not hurry, yet gets everything done.
Lastly, you will have time – we are often told by society or teachers or parents about this – they have an outline of things to be check listed – Job at 23, marriage at 25, retirement at 60, and so on.
On a micro level of this , was my own deadline for selection of topic today – and when I couldn’t, I felt like a failure. But in all honestly, even if I sat and worked on it all day today, I would have spent more time on it than needed and not done other things which elevated me, because in all honesty – IF I REALLY CONSIDERED IT THAT IMPORTANT OR BENEFICIAL – I would have found an answer. There is always time.
Just because I might decide my topic in another couple of days when others might have reached halfway, doesn’t make me any less successful.
We are on different race tracks – maybe, I find a topic I am passionate about and finish it before anyone else even post starting late or maybe I take my own sweet time but do my best work.
DO NOT BE FORCED AND OVERWHELMED BY THIS UNREAL PRESSURE.
And most importantly, have faith. In yourself and Universe. Universe always got your back and a plan for you. DO not put so much stress and pressure on yourself, okay. At the right time, right things will fall into your life. Maybe, universe is obstructing your path because its got a better surprise for you.
Hope you enjoyed my take on today’s stress.
Have a good day.
Sending you all love and light!
Catch you soon……………