The world is opening up to me! Slowly for me to understand and yet fast enough to scare the crap out of me!!!
Lately the decisions I took either consciously or subconsciously has impacted me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
I always resented the dialogue my parents & brother used i.e., “Just few more years (or one more) and then you will be ready for xyz…_”
I wondered how was it possible for me to grow up in just one year or in few months. I would still be the same person with similar thought patterns, wouldn’t I? How a 17 year old not allowed to ride a bike, will suddenly learn to be perfect for it in just a few more days? If such is the case why not be allowed now?
And this misconception was recently corrected. I might still be the same person, but my preferences, choices, thought patterns, resilience, ways to deal with situations, etc. has changed a lot.
When I look back, it’s difficult to place a finger on the things or incidents that resulted in this change, but I sure can pin point, few very noticeable changes that sometimes amazes even myself!
And I am finally enjoying this ride, hoping to keep failing and growing!
Today is about acknowledging few positive steps that I have incorporated in my life and continue to adapt to them, moving forward.
1. The people – meeting so many new souls -Knowing the importance of vibe
Being a shy kid all my life, it was difficult for me to make friends or talk to strangers. I couldn’t really fit in the definition of an introvert or an extrovert, which was a difficult thing, especially in my teenage years. My family always assumed that I was an outspoken, extroverted girl who knew what she wanted and went after it without thinking twice. However, it turned out that I was the worst decision maker, who was always overthinking and upfront indecisive – I never let it show though!
I tried my best to become “that bold”, as was expected of me, but small talks, stages and million other things scared the shit out of me!
One good thing was that I always knew where I needed to improve and now all that was needed – was some courage, which I found, in last couple of months.
I was sick of being stuck, pretending to be someone I was not and feeling sorry for myself. So I decided to take control, starting with baby steps.
When university reopened after 2 long years, post lockdown, I made sure to put myself out there, talk to people – Not gossip but talk!
This small step helped me so much.. I figured that though I knew these people, I never really “knew” them, if you know what I mean! Meeting so many new souls expanded my horizon in
almost all areas of my life. It made me think differently and question stuff, which I wouldn’t have otherwise!
I finally leant the meaning of “vibe”. It’s one thing to talk professionally to your colleagues and altogether a different experience to share a vibe!
It gave me a certain amount of confidence in myself – and I finally went onto the stage and gave a presentation in a class full of 50 students – I know it sounds very ordinary but for me it was a very big success. Both of these things changed the way I look myself in the mirror now.
We all know what we want and need to do, but finding that courage for it is the biggest challenge!
And I know now that, it’s the only way forward, there will be no shortcuts or quick fixes. It’s we that run away from our problems. I always knew deep down, that I needed to fix this, but never tried to change anything. I left it on time to magically fix all things in my life.
No motivational hacks or pep talks helped – what helped was the effort and a will to change my reality!
No words can make you feel this, you will know what I’m struggling here to convey, once you take a move forward.
2) Balancing out
I love staying home, even now. It feels like a lot of work to go out (or even to talk to new people –don’t get me wrong, I LOVE adventures and trying new stuff but it all gets overwhelming real soon and I crave the comfort of my home)!
And I finally learnt to balance both! To be both – an introverted extrovert!!
I now crave the going out part too – progress I must say 😉
When you learn what it is that you value, respect and dream of, it gets easier to deal with outside world and its challenges. I now have figured out why I didn’t like going out (except for trips of course – nobody can stop me from going on trips) and why I loved staying home – and now with some adjustments I love both!
For example –
Staying away from people or conversations that drain you, choosing to indulge even in boring conversations if there are some valuable lessons that can help me grow, going for walks, going to new places and exploring the blind spots, trying new stuff etc. etc.
Staying in my cozy bed with my favourite food and TV show, writing, listening to music, practicing solitude, spending time with parents, Learning new things and doing things I like, etc. etc.
Learning to respect what your mind, body and soul needs, helps you unlock thousands of different possibilities and opportunities.
Thereby, do not force things on yourself, instead question why you feel, the way you feel about those things! I chose home comfort over my fear of rejection (if I socialized or went outdoors). Working on myself, helped me enjoy both of these situations! Inner work is your key!
3) You never know enough
I recently visited a private bank with my dad, and it freaked me out, as I didn’t know even the basic stuff, that is required in day to day life of any individual.
School or college never makes us ready to face the world, but it sure doesn’t mean that we can’t learn on our own!
To be self-taught is the best thing in today’s changing world, to unlearn and relearn – all at our own pace!
Just like the bank, there are several basic survival or trivial things that are taken care of by our parents and loved ones that we don’t think about at all – but instead of relying on somebody I realized that it was high time to take steps in that direction too.
4) Knowing your boundaries
As I mentioned earlier, I was an indecisive person my whole life and it changed in the last few months. I became aware of my values, priorities and boundaries that I chose for myself !
I learnt to respect myself like never before. Stopped pleasing others to sabotage my own self!
As your horizons expand, new experiences and opportunities knock on the doors – and I can confidently say that, I am aware of those and I have learnt to say “no” and “yes” accordingly!
I am a very empathetic person and this gets me in trouble sometimes especially when it’s to say no, to someone’s face.
Talking to different people opens you up to new thoughts, habits, priorities, personalities and experiences. It’s such a rich feeling.
However, to not get dragged into those and keep being you is a task that requires your utmost presence of mind. I have been blabbering all this to bring up a small incident, that can prove as an excellent example, for the point I tried making above –
I was hanging out with a group of people and they finally had asked me to join them on this adventure, and the sound of it all made me curious, however it was something that would mean, me going against my family values and personal conditioning. It became a tough battle between my values and curiosity. My mind came up with thousands of excuses in flicker of seconds to go with them but knowing deep down that this ain’t the right time, place or group to explore and act on this curiosity, is what made me stay back! And I don’t regret it, it was one of the smartest choice to make, not easy but smart!
Saying no to new friends is one of the hardest thing to do when your mind forces you to fit in, yet it’s a crucial thing to choose yourself before anybody else (or any group).
This blog is an open ended discussion for us all – to find ourselves and know what works for us!
To celebrate even the smallest achievements which may or may not be tangible. Here was my take on some positive initiatives that I took for myself, which makes me who I am today!
Thank you for reading! I hope you like my raw honesty, especially in this blog. I would appreciate if you could like what you read and comment below any thoughts, suggestions, ideas or your personal take on the subject!
Until my next post, keep taking positive initiatives in your own lives, and make it one hell of an experience, to be here on Earth today!